The Plan

So, Hippolyta and Theseus are getting married soon, and the whole city is, like, totally excited. Well, all except for my, like, best friend, Hermia. Her dad had this guy, Demetrius, (who, by the way, is, like, totally hot) that he wanted her to marry. Except, Hermia was already dating this other guy, Lysander, (but he's, like, a total creeper). She always goes on and on about how it's, like, true love or something. Whatever. The point is, Egeus (that's her dad) wants her to marry Demetrius, and Hermia, like, hates him. When she told her dad, he, like, totally flipped out! So then her dad took her to see Theseus and he, like, demanded that she marry Demetrius. But Theseus was pretty cool about it. I mean, for a duke. He gave her three choices : she could marry Demetrius; she could become a nun (!); or she could be put to death (!!!!). Theseus gave her a day to, like, think it over. After that, she and Lysander were, like, totally distraught. I mean, she was, like, crying! Then Lysander had, like, and epiphany or something. He was all like, "Hermia, my love! Why don't we run away to the forest?" And she was all like, "Oh, Lysander! They will never keep me away from you!" And then, 'cause she's, like, my best friend, she told me about their, like, plan. Oh, and I, like, told Demetrius, too, because, like, he has a right to know.

Following "The Plan"

Okay, so I, like, followed Demetrius to the forest and I was, like, totally convincing him to ditch Hermia. But then he was all like, "Helena, leave me alone!" And I was all like, "But I love you!" I guess he's, like, a commitment-phobe or something, because he, like, ran off. Wait. He, like, can't be a commitment-phobe, because he wants to marry Hermia!!!! Wow, I'm, like, so confused! It's all Hermia's fault! If she hadn't come along and stolen my boyfriend (yeah, we were, like, totally dating), then this wouldn't have happened! I can't believe that I thought she was, like, my best friend! How dare she! Okay, I'm, like, never talking to her again! And I am so telling her dad that she isn't, like, pure anymore!! Ha! That'll teach her! I still have to, like, find a way to get Demetrius back. I know that he's, like, totally in love with me, but that stupid witch, Hermia, put a spell on him! If I could only get out of this stupid forest, then I could put together an outfit that would totally distact him from that wench Hermia. Too bad I'm lost. Maybe I'll, like, follow the moon or whatever it is that they do in those action stories. I wouldn't know (it's not like I read them or anything). But now I'm, like, totally lost. Whatever. I'll just, like, have a nap...

"The Plan" Starts To Go Awry

Okay, so I, like, just woke up and Lysander was, like, totally stalking me. It was, like, way creepy. So I told him to, like, get away from me and go back to Hermia. He totally wouldn't listen to me, though. It was so annoying! Anyways, he, like, kept going on and on about how pretty I am and stuff (I know, right?). I kept, like, telling him to leave, but it was like he couldn't even, like, hear me.I even, like, asked him if he still loved Hermia, and he said, like, no! That's when I, like, totally realized that he was, like, joking! So then, I got, like, really mad. Then Demetrius woke up and said he, like, loved me. But obviously, I didn't, like, believe him or anything. I'm not stupid! He was, like, totally in on the joke with Lysander. I was all like, "That is so not funny!" And they were all like, "We're, like, not joking." And then I was all like, "Yeah, right!" Of course, stupid Hermia decides to show up and join them. I can't believe her! She was, like, my friend! So I, like, yelled at her for a bit. Then the dumb boys had to decide to have a fight to see who, like, deserved me or something. They couldn't, like, wait until Hermia and I were finished? Rude, much? We, like, continued our argument anyway. Then I called her a, like, puppet, and she, like, totally took it the wrong way. She thought I was, like, saying she was short. Whatever! But then she, like, threatened me! She was all like, "Ah! I'll, like, gouge your eyes out!" And I was all like, "OMG, no! Lysander, Demetrius, like, protect me!" So they, like, protected me. But she, like, kept yelling at me anyway! I was, like, so mad, so I just, like, ran away.

A New "Plan"

So, after I, like, ran away, I, like, went to sleep in some random, like, field. Whatever. But when I, like, woke up this morning, Lysander and, like, Demetrius and, like, Hermia were there too! It was so weird!! Anyways, Lysander wasn't, like, joking anymore, 'cause he says he loves Hermia still (phew!). So, we, like, woke up this morning and Theseus was in the woods with us! And Hermia's dad (creeper). Then Egeus argued with Hermia for, like, ever! It was, like, so annoying! But Theseus was, like, totally cool about it. He was all like, "Hey guys, you could, like, get married with us!" And we were all like, "Squeeeee!!!!! Awesomeness!" So, we got, like, married at the, like, temple in the morning. It was, like, totally cool. But it was, like, so annoying at the same time! Then Theseus was all like, "We should, like, totally see a play or something!" And we were all like, "That is, like, so cool!" So his, like, slave or something, Philo-what's-his-name, found a play for us. But then Hippolyta was all like, "We should be, like, nice to them..." And we were all like, "Whatever!" The actors in the play were, like, mechanicals, and they, like, totally failed. But it was, like, so funny! Like, OMG! And they were, like, so stupid! We were totally making fun of them, and they didn't even, like, notice! Fail, much?